Struggling

I can't seem to focus on anything this week.  My heart is aching for Gabby's family.  I know the pain that we feel over losing her is only a small portion of what they are feeling.  I feel guilty trying to go about our daily lives when their world has been turned upside down.  I have felt that way for the 3 1/2 months while Gabby was fighting this monster, and I feel it even more now. I am supposed to go away this weekend.  A girls trip to the beach that we have been planning for months.  Earlier this week I didn't want to go, I felt guilty running off to the beach to have fun.  We actually all had mixed feelings about going and decided to offer the house to the Vogel family so they could get away.  They declined because they have other arrangements to go to the beach already.  So we will go, and try to have fun, but right now, my heart is not in it.  Gabby's viewing is tomorrow night.  I'm terrified.  I don't want to go, but I know that I have to be there for my friends.  It just doesn't feel right around here.  We've dealt with the death of a neighbor before.  It took a long time to feel normal around here.  And I still think of my friend and that awful night often.  I'm wondering how long it will take to feel normal again this time. (Lest you think we live in a cursed neighborhood....It is actually the best one to be in at a time like this....we all love and support each other like family) We used to spend a lot of time in the Vogels yard, Carolynn and I chatting away while the kids played together.  They haven't been out in that yard for a long time now.  When will they come out to play again?  When will I feel like I'm not imposing at a difficult time.   I still know sick children fighting this monster.  I don't want to see this happen to any more families.  So much on my mind.....just needed to let it out tonight.  Sorry for being a downer!